super fly

sit down. are you sitting? i need you to be sitting for what i am about to type.
okay, i am the owner of a pair of sketcher shape-ups.

the above pair is very simillar to the pair i now own. if my camera had batteries i could show you my actual pair. they are a (orthopedic) beaut.

turns out the donut biz is a very physically demanding world. after my first day i was basically disabled. my legs and ankles hurt like i had used them for the first time. i am truly ashamed at how little i use my body. apparently, you need to use your muscles more vigorously than walking from the bed to the recliner and back to the computer. say what?

my mother, who is also a proud shape-ups wearer, promised me that these shoes are an absolute miracle. they would allow me to be on my feet for 8 hours on a concrete floor, stooping, bending and lifting and my legs, ankles and feet would think they had been caressed in a cloud of pink cotton candy while tiny cherubic baby angels frolic near by. i tried to resist the pressure my mom was applying. i stood my ground while i tried on 3 pairs of nikes and 1 pair of saucony's. the shape-ups were the most comfortable of the 5 pairs i tried on. i do think that having only 3 hours of sleep the night before left me weak to my mother's power. she's my kryptonite.

i don't know if i would agree that they are like walking on cotton candy, they DO make me taller tho. they claim that they improve posture. lord knows i need help in that area. i tend to be a hunchback. hooray! i wont need boniva in my future! thanks shape-ups (sorry sally field). another boast is the firming of your abdominal area. uhh, no way am i going to believe that shoes with a three inch rocking sole are going to tighten my "i birthed 6 children" abdominal area.

word.

i don't know how this donut thing is going to work out for me. i should not be allowed to ever touch a cash register. even when every single button is clearly marked. i should also never be allowed to make change. even when the exact amount of change that i need to give back is clearly displayed about a foot from my face.

i thought i had a good memory. i don't know if it is because i am learning so many new things, but my retention lasts about 7 seconds. i am supposed to take an order, repeat the order as i am taking it and then repeat it again as i am handing it to the customer. this is not going so well for me. i take the order, repeat the order as i am taking the order and then my mind goes completely blank. i mean nothing. i haven't gotten a repeat back to the customer order correct yet. not even one time. in other words, i have gotten a customer order repeat back correct zero times.

who would have known that donuts would be the most difficult job i have ever had? gosh. oh well, if i get fired, i will still have my shape-ups.

donuts aren't the only thing rising in my life. when i came home the other day there was a for sale sign in our yard. our lease was up in july and the owner wants to sell the house, so i guess we are moving. since 2006 we have moved 5 times. i think that makes us nomads. time to invest in a yurt? seriously, the thought of finding another home and then moving to that home is really close to exceeding the bounderies of my sanity.

i think i am going to see how this thing goes before i start freaking about finding another house. we are supposed to get 24 hours notice to show the house. there is no way that 24 hours would allow me the time to get even MY room ready to show to a potential buyer. after experiencing my room, all he would have to do is open the under stairs cupboard (imagine harry potter at the dursley's) and sniff. it smells like musty farts, mushrooms and dead body. i am going to roll the dice and see just how long we can ride this thing.

i will keep you up to date on the status of my job, how my shape-ups are working and my house (not) hunting.

doughnut freedom

several months ago i quit my corporate job. i was miserable. the corporate kiss ass world is so not me. i am NOT a kiss ass. i am the opposite of a kiss ass. i don't give a flying *f what people think of me. i really don't. lots of people say that, i mean it. i don't care. i might not have it all figured out, but i do know that i don't need to be working anywhere that i have to wear slacks. my "i don't give and *f" attitude doesn't go well with working for "the man". i tend to want to do things my way and "the man" likes things done his way.

i wanted to be at home with my kids. i wanted to be a part of their lives again, to know what was going on with them. they are all teenagers, so i was feeling the urgency to reconnect before they left us. tim had finally gotten a REALLY stupendous job and we are good at treading the waters of one income.

so, here i am. at home. actually, i am at home from 11 am on. i missed working a bit and really wanted some extra income to eventually squirrel away. so, i am working from 3:45 to 11. that is am, folks. what am i doing from 3:45 to 11 am you ask? i am making doughnuts. i wanted something that i could do and still be at home. doughnuts are not life or death. doughnuts are not so stress laden that you have to come home and be in a vegetative state for the entire evening to recover from your day. doughnuts don't mind if you are having a crappy day. doughnuts aren't petty. they don't stab you in the back, play games, gossip, stir up shit, put you on an action plan or send you home for wearing capri pants. doughnut's don't care what you wear to work (as long as you are wearing the appropriate t-shirt) and they don't talk, they can't yell.

for me, doughnuts equal a certian amount of freedom. the freedom to have income, but on my terms. i can be perfectly comfortable in my jeans and doughtnut shirt. i am not ashamedly trying to cover my beloved tattoos like they are in someway bad. the ring in my nose is completely acceptable. my dreads are embraced since my hair needs to be covered with a headwrap of my choosing anyway.

i know many people wont get it. they will feel sorry for poor melissa who is 36 and still doesn't have her life together, she has to work in a doughnut shop. to those people i say "i don't care what you think. you are narrow minded and materialistic. i know that i don't have to work a minimum wage job. i am perfectly capable of going back to medical billing, coding and insurance. there are PLENTY of jobs out there in thoes areas. i am aware that i could be making more than twice what i am making now. thanks for your unwanted sympathy".

for those of you who do get it, i am excited about my doughnut liberation.

* the use of the letter "f" instead of the word fuc out of respect for my mother who raised me better. i do use the f word quite frequently.